I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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