I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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