im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize