Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
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While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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