Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize