Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
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Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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