Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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