oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize