i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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