I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
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Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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