At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
