i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
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There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
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Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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