Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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