dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
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He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
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Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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