Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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