And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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