omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Say something about gay babies.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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