A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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