You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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