So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize