literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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