i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
where am i from again
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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