If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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