anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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