That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
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he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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