Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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