dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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