Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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