I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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