Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
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My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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