Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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