Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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