you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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