GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize