then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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