I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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