from now on my penis is your penis
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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