Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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