Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize