My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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