I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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