I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize