My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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