he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize