things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
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tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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