This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
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And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
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I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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