so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
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Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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