I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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