I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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