i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize