the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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